I was recently approached by an editor of Oprah Magazine on the topic of self-acceptance and self-improvement.  I'm sad to say that the article was never published but I'm glad that I can post it here.  Enjoy!

Editor:  Is one more important than the other?

Dr. Santan:  Yes, self-improvement is way more important than self-acceptance. The reason for this is that self-improvement typically leads to improved self-acceptance. When you find that you can trust yourself to engage in self-improvement, you typically feel much better about yourself. You'll typically realize improved motivation and confidence and a sense of pride that you can make change. This automatically leads to a deeper sense of self-acceptance. Plus, it's a focus on the things that are more within your control which gives us a sense of agency over our lives and helps us feel more in control of the change process. 

Editor:  When is it time for people to just accept themselves as they are?

Dr. Santan:  I would say that there are components of each individual that require practice in self-acceptance. These would be things that are largely immutable and unchangeable such as personality traits, relationship and personal history (e.g., childhood experiences), sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. When you find that there's something about yourself that you can't change even if you wanted to, that's a time to move towards self-acceptance. It can take a little bit of improved self-awareness to understand what those things are and a therapist can certainly help you discover those traits. 

Editor:  Can that in turn lead to improvement?

Dr. Santan:  Absolutely. Ideally you would work on self-improvement first and then self-acceptance will typically follow, but it can also happen in reverse. Working on self-acceptance can lead to a greater motivation and improved follow through for self-improvement. Getting in touch with your core values, ideals and beliefs and trying to align yourself, your relationships and your life with those, is a great way to work on understanding who you are and what your strengths are. In this way you are learning to appreciate those life issues and items that are important to you and that align with your value system. This leads to a deeper sense of self-acceptance and from there you can work on self-improvement in terms of fine tuning those values, beliefs and ideals until you are confident in them and in who you are as an individual.

"Good enough" is not a bad mindset to have, especially if you struggle with a degree of perfectionism. As a clinician, I typically encourage people to accept where they are in the improvement process while simultaneously looking for ways to improve self. Even if you're taking baby steps, it's a good way to feel like you're moving forward and in a constant state of improvement. If you need to settle for "good enough" in the interim that's fine, but still have the mindset that self-improvement is an important life task that you shouldn't neglect.